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How to Make Peace with the Past and Stop Being a Victim

By in Blog, letting go, mindfulness & peace

“Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.” ~Harvey Fienstein

Do you usually feel as if everything bad that can happen will happen, and it will happen to you?

You must be the unluckiest person on the face of the planet. Opportunities never work out. Doors that should open close in your face. Friends let you down. Bosses don’t see your value. There seems to be a universal conspiracy to keep you stuck right where you are now.

You feel like your life is always going to be like this.…

How to Get the Excitement of a Fresh Start Every Day

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality.” ~Nikos Kazantzakis

One minute I was a young warrior in a guild of travelers, the next, a middle-aged aristocrat in a strange Victorian world.

A pretty standard day. Oh, did I forget to mention where I was?

I was at a role-playing convention. That was over twenty years ago. Here’s how the fun worked.

Every three to four hours, I would play a different session. That means I would become a new character and go on new adventures in another world, with different people. It was …

Why We Don’t Need to Try So Hard to Be Better

By in Blog, change & challenges

“To heal a wound, you need to stop touching it.” ~Unknown

I’ve always been an overachiever. In sixth grade, I spent weeks memorizing over five pages of the poem “Horatius at the Bridge” for extra credit, even though I already had an A in the class.

When I started therapy in my mid-twenties to deal with depression and panic attacks, I turned my overachieving tactics to self-improvement. I spent hours journaling, going to meetings, talking to mentors, reading books, and beating myself up when I fell into old habits.

I always worried: Was I doing it right? Was I …

Increase Your Self-Love: 8 Ways to Be Good to Yourself

By in Blog, love & relationships

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love & affection.” ~Buddha

Someone asked me a couple of years ago out of ten, how much did I love myself? I said four. I had to give my immediate, intuitive answer, as this was the honest truth.

Four! That came as a shock to me. It’s low. I thought I was pretty good with myself. I’m smart, multitalented, not bad looking, generally happy, I have lots of friends and enjoy life.

But now the truth began to shine. With introspection I could see why the …

Why Advice Doesn’t Help When We’re Hurting (and What Does)

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships, mindfulness & peace

“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we’re listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.” ~Karl A. Menninger

I remember my first call like it was yesterday.

I answered the phone, heart beating out of my chest, hand firm on a sheet of local emergency phone numbers.

The voice on the other end was full of… meek embarrassment.

Not exactly what I was expecting.

“Uhh, I’m really sorry… I’m not, uhh… I’m not suicidal…. I just… I just had a …

Coping with Loss and Heartbreak: How to Get Through the Pain

By in Blog

“The unendurable is the beginning of the curve of joy.” ~Djuna Barnes

November, 2014. A story you’ve heard a million times. The person I believed with all my heart to be “the one” ceased to feel the same way about me.

My heart and soul shattered, I had no desire to live, the whole works.

Having your heart broken, especially by someone you truly loved is, from my perspective, the worst kind of pain there is. It makes you lose all sense of self, reality, purpose, and faith. To me, it felt like my soul was being severed …

How to Let Go of the Stuff That Keeps You Emotionally Stuck

By in Blog, letting go

“The totality of my possessions reflects the totality of my being. I am what I have … What is mine is myself.” ~Jean Paul Sartre

What kind of relationship do you have with your stuff?

Embracing who we are naturally requires a letting go of who we aren’t, but perhaps want to be. That ties directly to our physical belongings, which can renew and inspire us in the direction we’re headed—or hold us back.

Over the years, I’ve found that the objects with the most powerful grip on us are not necessarily those we use frequently and with ease, but …

You Don’t Have to Adjust Who You Are to Please Others

By in Blog, letting go, love & relationships

“If you are busy pleasing everyone, you are not being true to yourself.” ~Jocelyn Murray

Do you say yes to things only to keep people happy?

Do you fear saying and doing what you actually want?

I know how that feels.

From a young age, I was the polite, good girl. I rarely rebelled. I wanted to keep everyone happy. I thought that if I was honest I’d be rejected. That those closest to me wouldn’t love me. I thought I’d end up alone.

At friends’ houses, asked what I’d like to drink or eat, I would always respond with …

Are You Being Too Supportive? (Yes, There is Such a Thing)

By in Blog, love & relationships

“We cripple people who are capable of walking because we choose to carry them.” ~Christie Williams

Years ago, I had a dear friend who needed a lot of support for various reasons. She was working hard to find her way out of a dark period. She had suffered traumas and tragedies—things I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Her life really did resemble a roller coaster ride. It was heartbreaking to watch her struggle, exciting when things would be on the upswing, and upsetting again when things would spiral downhill.

Because I had known her almost my whole life and because I …

Why Strong, Brave People Aren’t Afraid to Quit

By in Blog, letting go

“Some people think it’s holding on that makes one strong—sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

Throughout my life I’ve quit many things.

I quit a reasonably ‘sexy’ job title and steady paycheck.

I quit a six-year relationship with an essentially giving and loving person.

I quit being a yoga teacher after investing heavily in getting qualified.

I’ve quit many courses halfway through like calligraphy (of all things), ‘life design map’ courses, and online courses for all sorts of random things.

I quit therapy once, before they told me we were ‘done.’

I’ve quit several crappy part-time jobs when I first started …

When You’ve Lost Your Job: How to Start Moving Forward

By in Blog, work fulfillment

“If you can’t fly then run. If you can’t run then walk. If you can’t walk then crawl. But whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward.” ~Martin Luther King Jr.

For five years, I worked for an incredible little company that makes creative products for creative people.

I first joined the company as the marketing director and over time, moved into a top executive role. It was a wonderful adventure with passionate people and incredible learnings, challenges, and joys. And then it wasn’t. I was laid off.

Suddenly I, among other top executives, managers, and team members, found …

How Technology Makes It Easy to Flake Out (And How to Stop It)

By in Blog, love & relationships

“If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse.” ~Unknown

How many times have you made plans with friends, only to receive the dreaded, “Sorry, need to reschedule” text just minutes before you were meant to meet?

Is it any wonder that you get tired of trying, that you struggle to feel secure in relationships?

But before we get carried away castigating others, let’s take a look at ourselves. We hate it when other people bail at the last minute, but do we do it too?

As humans, we have an astonishing …

How I Used My Phone as a Crutch and What I Know Now

By in Blog, love & relationships

“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.” ~Joseph F Newton

Can you imagine your life without a cell phone?

It’s hard, right?

For most of us, we use our phones every day, whether it’s for talking with others, looking up information, or entertaining ourselves during those lulls in the day.

A short while back, my phone contract expired and I was left without a cell phone. It felt strange at first, since my phone was something that was beside me almost every second of the day.

But a thought came up: What would my life be like …

You Are Worthy Regardless of What You Achieve

By in Blog, happiness & fun, meaning & passion

“Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.” ~Albert Einstein

I am pathetic. I am a walking, talking cliché (well, maybe not walking—I use an electric wheelchair).

I am one of those people who is so desperate to overcome their own sense of lack that they create some giant obstacle to overcome, or some massive achievement to attain, in order to feel that they might just be worth something.

I am an over-compensator, so desperate to feel okay about the fact that I am, in some ways, not as capable as …

Freedom Is Knowing We Don’t Need to Be the Best

By in Blog, letting go

“Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called ‘Ego.’” ~Frierich Nietzsche

At a young age, the bar for the rest of my life was set very high. I was a natural at anything I tried to do, and I was lucky enough to have my friends and family support me in just about every venture, so I became incredibly confident in my abilities and hopeful that life would always be easy and painless.

Eventually, I solidified the expectation for myself to always be number one because that is what my identity was based upon.

To give you a …

How to Move On: What It Really Means to Let Go

By in Blog, letting go

“Don’t let the darkness from your past block the light of joy in your present. What happened is done. Stop giving time to things which no longer exist, when there is so much joy to be found here and now.” ~Karen Salmansohn

If you are lucky enough to spend time in mindful communities you will hear the phrase “letting go” used frequently. The practice of letting go is used to support our acceptance of the way things are, and I believe it’s a cornerstone of creating a happy, full life.

But what happens when you’re being asked to let go…

How to Stop Blaming Your Parents for Messing Up Your Life

By in Blog, letting go

“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals.” ~Pema Chodron

I was nineteen when it happened.

Legally an adult, but in no way equipped with what I was expected to deal with.

As I found myself agreeing to a marriage arranged by my mum, my thoughts turned to my dad.

We had buried him two days prior. He’d suffered a lot before he died. I wondered what he’d make of all this.

What followed my agreement was nothing short of a whirlwind, but not the romantic whirlwind that’s often associated with marriage.…

Something Good Can Come from Pain and Struggle

By in Blog, change & challenges

“How thankful I am today, to know that all my past struggles were necessary for me to be where I am now.” ~Unknown

Ten years ago when I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, my first thought was “Why me?” and it was this thought that followed me throughout my journey. It wasn’t until I was well enough to look back that I realized how much of my life was shaped by my anorexia. But not in a bad way.

Today, I am thankful for the struggles I endured, for the deepest lows I dragged myself through, and all the places …

3 Things to Remember When Facing Emotional Pain

By in Blog, change & challenges

“We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life. But we can decide what happens in us—how we can take it, what we do with it—and that is what really counts in the end.” ~Joseph Fort Newton

Life is messy. Sometimes it’s so beautiful that I feel blinded by the glory I have the privilege of bearing witness to. Other times, I have felt such deep despair that I thought my tears would never end.

Unfortunately, my husband and I endured the deepest despair we could possibly imagine immediately following what should have been our …

A Simple Sentence That Helps When You Feel Overwhelmed

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have.” ~Eckhart Tolle

Days after the initial divorce from my ex-partner, I wanted to meet two very close friends in the city. I knew they would be loving and supportive and that the experience would be good for me. But I was so grief stricken and overwhelmed with emotion that even leaving the house felt like a monumental effort.

Sitting on the edge of my bed, picturing all the steps it would take me from where I was now to where they were seemed insurmountable. Normally, I would have jumped in …