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When Things Don’t Work Out: Who Knows If It’s Good or Bad?

By in Blog, change & challenges

“It’s not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs as to what those events mean.” ~Tony Robbins

I recently received a rejection letter for a voluntary role befriending and supporting a child in the care system. I was excited at the prospect of supporting a child who had likely been through a lot, and had been quietly confident that I would be great in the role.

After all, I am an emotionally responsible, fun-loving, deeply caring adult who had lived through a ton of difficulty: addiction and alcoholism (my own and my mother’s); growing up in …

When We Love and Accept Ourselves, the World Fits Around Us

By in Blog, love & relationships

“If you feel like you don’t fit in in this world, it is because you are here to help create a new one.” ~Jocelyn Daher

Since I can remember, I never felt comfortable in my skin. I would watch everyone else, and it seemed as though they knew exactly how to be themselves. Even as a toddler I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t like everybody else. From those earliest memories I thought something was wrong with me if I didn’t feel, understand, or think the same as someone else.

My insecurities started young and grew as I got older. …

10 Creative Ways to Express Gratitude

By in Blog, happiness & fun, love & relationships, mindfulness & peace

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” ~William Arthur Ward

It’s probably no surprise to you that gratitude is one of the most effective ways to increase your own happiness—and the happiness of others. But did you know that practicing gratitude can also make you healthier, less stressed, and more optimistic? Plus, it’s even been shown to have positive effects on your career and relationships.

Gratitude is clearly a worthwhile practice, and there are tons of wonderful resources online (even here on Tiny Buddha!) filled with insights, inspiration, and ideas for …

Choose to Shine: Your Smile Is More Powerful Than You Think

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Shine like the whole Universe is yours.” ~Rumi

I had a revolutionary experience at a grocery store. Yes, a grocery store. I’ll never forget that day.

I believe that some of the most mundane and unimportant places I’ve visited have been the bedrock of my spiritual growth.

There is so much to witness at a store: people frantically trying to load up for the weekend, elderly in their motorized carts, people in line glued to their smart phones, and then of course the workers that 90% of the time seem achingly miserable and sad.

It was like any other day …

A Surprising Way to Let Go of Painful Feelings and the Past

By in Blog, letting go

“We do not heal the past by dwelling there; we heal the past by living fully in the present.” ~Marianne Williamson

I’ve struggled with it.

Letting go, I mean. I’ve struggled with moving on from my past. I’ve struggled with ridding myself of guilt, shame, and grief. I’ve struggled with freeing myself from mistakes, past relationships, and worries about the future.

It’s not that I haven’t tried. Believe me, I’ve tried really hard. I’ve written goodbye letters, mentally cut the energetic cords, and fiercely gone back into the pain to free myself fully from it. I’ve cried my eyes …

The Self-Analysis Trap: Stop Dissecting Your Every Thought and Action

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“Explanation separates us from astonishment, which is the only gateway to the incomprehensible.” ~Eugene Ionesco

We are taught from a very young age that it is our responsibility to reflect on the motives behind our actions and behaviors. From the time we can form sentences, we are asked the questions: “Why did you make that choice?” and “What made you do that?”

These questions often follow bad behavior and punishment. Our parents were trying to teach us, with the best of intentions, that we are responsible for our own actions.

This is a necessary lesson for young children, who are …

Healing from Heartache: How to Ease the Pain

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.” ~Max Ehrmann 

If you looked at your broken heart and allowed for tenderness, you would feel better. Maybe not completely better, but there would be a softening. Compassion for yourself is soothing. When our hearts are aching, we need all the soothing we can get.

If you looked at your broken heart from the perspective of the loving mother within you, you would see that the only thing you need right now is …

How to Stop Measuring Your Worth in Achievements

By in Blog, happiness & fun, mindfulness & peace

“The better you feel about yourself, the less you feel the need to show off.” ~Robert Hand

The first vivid memory I have of anxiety is when I was only seven years old. I sat in math class, gripped with fear that I wouldn’t get a perfect score on my test. If I got even one answer wrong, I would feel worthless.

This striving for achievement followed me all the way through college. I not only graduated with a 4.0 grade point average, but I had an impressive Curriculum Vitae filled with awards, extra curricular activities, publications, honor societies, and …

“Nice” Isn’t a Compliment: Letting Go of the Need to Please

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.” ~Brene Brown

When I was in the seventh grade, I moved to a new city and started a new school. I was terrified and filled with anxiety about navigating this new world without a single friend. What if no one liked me?

My first week there, I walked through the cafeteria some when two girls called me over to their table. I breathed a sigh of relief, thinking maybe I would be able to make a friend. I went over smiling …

4 Things You Need to Know to Have a Strong, Healthy Relationship

By in Blog, love & relationships

“To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything.“ ~T. Tolis

Relationships are not always easy. If you lack the tools to engage properly with a partner and cannot show up in a healthy way, you will find your relationship is ten times harder and most likely prone to failure.

I wish I had known these things when I first started dating, as it would have made my life much easier.

If you want to have a healthy relationship, you must know the following:

1. How to communicate effectively

My …

How to Stop Neglecting and Abusing Your Inner Child

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Hold the hand of the child that lives in your soul. For this child, nothing is impossible.” ~Paulo Coelho

You’re probably an abusive parent. Even if you don’t have children.

In each of us lives an inner child. This child isn’t just a sub-layer of our personality; it’s arguably the real us, the deepest aspect of ourselves.

Like many people, I’ve been aware of the inner child idea for some time. I thought of the concept mostly as another way of explaining our personal sensitivities or the childish behavior we all are capable of at times. But it’s not …

One Simple Way to Be a Good Friend (A Lesson from My Childhood Dog)

By in Blog, love & relationships

“To be rich in friends is to be poor in nothing.” ~Lilian Whiting

For eleven years of my life, I was graced by the presence of an extraordinary dog. Her name was Jenny, and she was a black lab and springer mix with a hyper personality and an almost absurd passion for the joy of being alive.

She was a gift to our family from a close family friend, and she was by far the most life-changing gift we ever received.

While there are many stories I could share about her, there is one story in particular that stands …

The One Purpose We All Share in Life

By in Blog, meaning & passion

“We are each gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own special light.” ~ Mary Dunbar

I sat staring at myself in the mirror.

All I saw was failure.

And for the first time in a long while, I cried.

All I could think about was having to get up the next morning and force myself through another day. Force myself to put on a smile and pretend to be happy. Force myself to act like everything was moving in the right direction.

I’d been putting on this façade …

It’s Okay to Cry

By in Blog, change & challenges

“We need never be ashamed of our tears.” ~Charles Dickens

We have all cried, all of us, some more than others.

But today I am not here to divide us by the liters of tears we have shed.

Today I want to unite us because we are all the same.

We all feel sad, stressed, overwhelmed, scared, and frustrated at times.

Any stay-at-home parent would understand my frustration, my misery, and my overwhelmed days.

It has eaten me up on the inside. I have been staying at home for the past seven years, looking after my kids, with no face-to-face …

Why We Shouldn’t Rush or Feel Guilty About Emotional Pain

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche

In July 2012, a conversation changed my life.

Prior to this, I had been struggling to right myself after a difficult loss. Several months had passed, yet I continued to revisit the same sad, angry place again and again. I believed the presence of these difficult emotions meant I was “doing it all wrong.”

I thought, if I could figure out why these feelings were so persistent, I could make them vanish altogether. To assist in the quest, I enlisted the help of …

5 Myths About Setting Boundaries That Steal Your Joy and Lead to Resentment

By in Blog

“Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.” ~Brené Brown

Do you find yourself saying yes when you’d rather say no? Are you inexplicably exhausted all the time? Do you often experience anger, bitterness, or resentment toward yourself or others?

I did too for a long time.

I’m a recovering people pleaser. For as long as I can remember, I desired to keep everyone around me happy. I was also very fearful of …

5 Ways to Find Peace: Life Lessons from an 8th Grade Teacher

By in Blog, happiness & fun, mindfulness & peace

“Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Good Morning, and welcome to 8th grade History with Mr. Bacchus. The first thing I need everyone to do is to take out your class schedule and make sure that it says Mr. Bacchus for this period. Is there anyone who doesn’t have my name on their schedule?

No? We sure? Great!!

Now I need each one of you to take a moment and thank whoever you believe in, the powers that be, or even the magic genie that granted you this wish, because …

Post-Traumatic Growth: How Pain Can Lead to Gain

By in Blog, change & challenges

“When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. When life is bitter, say thank you and grow.” ~Shauna Niequist

It’s been over five years since the unexpected death of my oldest son. The first couple years were fraught with depression, despair, and a sense of hopelessness like I had never felt before. I even kept a notebook in my purse outlining the plan for how I would ultimately end my life.

It wasn’t until this past year that I told my friends about how close I had been to the edge. After outing myself, I found out they …

There’s Purpose in Pain and a Gift in Every Loss

By in Blog, change & challenges

“There’s a bit of magic in everything and loss to even things out.” ~Lou Reed

Although I have spent years training myself to reverse my own anxiety, I have only left survival mode in the last couple of months, and am learning what that feels like and to be comfortable fully trusting that my children and I are taken care of.

I am at my goal of better than fine, but I’ve never been here before. And while I know my work is in the interim of where I’ll end up, I am learning to appreciate where I am in …

How to Get Closure When Your Ex Won’t Speak to You

By in Blog, love & relationships

“If you are brave enough to say good-bye, life will reward you with a new hello.” ~Paul Coehlo

Why won’t they call? Can’t they just have the conversation? What’s wrong with them? What did I do to deserve this treatment? Did I mean nothing?

Have you asked yourself these questions at the end of a relationship? I know I have. Actually, I was asking myself these very questions about six months ago. What do you do at the end of a relationship when it doesn’t really feel over or you aren’t ready for it to be done?

First there …