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5 Ways to Cope with Family Bullies

By in Blog, love & relationships

“When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” ~Viktor Frankl

Bullies are everywhere. One of the most insidious and destructive forms of bullying is family bullying, because it’s often done in the name of love.

As someone who was bullied by family members for more years than I care to count, I spent a lot of time learning that most of the bullying going on was not about me or my failings—it was more about what other people needed to unload.

Family bullies often pretend to (or believe they can) help by offering criticism…

Stop Trying to Fix Yourself and Start Enjoying Your Life

By in Blog, happiness & fun

“You think that the goal is to be over there, and we say the goal is the journey over there; the goal is the fun you have along the way on your way to over there.” ~Abraham

I have a clear memory of my mother looking at my bookshelves several years ago and commenting, “You’re always reading all these self-help books, and where has it gotten you?”

I responded with a quip about how I’ll always be working to align my personality with my soul, to which she scoffed and said, “When will you grow up and realize you have …

6 Healthy Ways to Shed Layers of Emotional Pain

By in Blog, letting go, mindfulness & peace

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~Anais Nin

Do you remember a time when you wanted to crawl under the bed and stay forever?

Perhaps you’d been dealing with chronic pain and anxiety, had recently experienced divorce or the loss of a loved one, maybe even lost a job or two. I had experienced all of these things in just a few short years, and, judging by the loud knocking as I hid, was about to have my car repossessed, too.

I …

Why Stress and Pressure Can Actually Be Good for Us

By in Blog, change & challenges

“A diamond doesn’t start out polished and shining. It once was nothing special, but with enough pressure and time, becomes spectacular.” ~Solange Nicole

It’s one of the last days of summer, and I wake up to my mother screaming.

I’m ten, and I pull off the covers and sneak to my door. Opening it slowly, I peek out and look down the stairs.

Men have stormed into our house. Ignoring my mom, they head into the living room, pick up the sofa, and throw it out on the lawn. They do the same with the dinner table and the rest …

What’s Really Going on When Someone Seems “Too Sensitive”

By in Blog, change & challenges

“For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.” ~Cynthia Occelli

The whole time I was growing up, I was told, incessantly, that I was “too sensitive.” These words, when I first heard them, came from the mouth of the person I vowed I would never become.

And yet, as I grew up, these words didn’t stay within the darkness of my childhood home. They began to roll out of the mouths of kids …

How to Develop Self-Love and Why This Will Strengthen Your Relationship

By in Blog, love & relationships

“An outstanding love doesn’t come from two half-fulfilled people coming together to make one whole, complete life. Outstanding love comes from two whole people coming together to share and enhance their already full and beautiful lives.” ~Pia Scade

My partner and I were having a conversation about our relationship recently.

We both told each other just how much we loved the relationship. We weren’t talking about how much we love each other, but about how much we enjoy this shared space between us, this thing we call our relationship.

We enjoy giving to it and nurturing it. We enjoy receiving …

Create an Extraordinary Life: 5 Questions to Ask Yourself Daily

By in Blog, happiness & fun, love & relationships, meaning & passion

“We have one precious life: do something extraordinary today, even if it’s tiny. A pebble starts the avalanche.” ~K.A. Laity

Do you have a vision of a life you want to lead?

Doing work that you enjoy, being happy, healthy, and having great relationships?

You probably have your own idea of what an extraordinary life means. But how often do you feel that you are living that life?

Life is bound within the confines of our schedules, our money, and our limited resources.

There are many things that you want to do, or want to be, but most of the …

5 Lessons on Living a Long, Healthy Life, from a 90-Year-Old

By in Blog, healthy habits

“In the end, long life is the reward, strength, and beauty.” ~Grace Paley

In September 2014, my grandmother turned ninety years old. She lives in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. It is where she has lived her entire life, and while my parents could have brought her to live with them in the US a long time ago, she has always preferred to live independently in her hometown.

I went to Rio to celebrate my grandmother’s ninetieth birthday. Although I was born there, I had not been back for over twenty-five years. I learned a lot about my country of birth, …

Healing Through Service: 20 Ways to Help Others (and Yourself)

By in Blog, happiness & fun, love & relationships

“To ease another’s heartache is to forget one’s own.” ~Abraham Lincoln

A feral cat tempered my most recent bout with depression. I wasn’t seriously depressed, nothing like the debilitating times in my past, but I had a fairly strong case of the blues.

It was just before Thanksgiving, that time of year when people across America break bread with family and friends, and I was feeling sorry for myself.

I missed the gatherings we used to have when I was married. My ex-husband and I both loved to cook and every year we put together a gourmet feast for a …

How to Stay Calm in a Chaotic, Stressed Out World

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“You can’t calm the storm so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself and the storm will pass.” ~Timber Hawkeye

After another driver pulled out in front of me and narrowly missed a collision, I put on my brakes and waited for the car to stop. As the other driver sailed off ahead of me, my hysterical passenger screamed, “What an idiot! Didn’t you see him? Why didn’t you blast the horn? These people shouldn’t be on the road!”

I realized my reaction, or lack of reaction, was out of the ordinary, and I also noticed that despite …

The Truth About Social Anxiety and 5 Ways to Relieve It

By in Blog, love & relationships, mindfulness & peace

“Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us, when in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from being seen and taking flight.” ~Brené Brown

About fifteen million adults suffer from social anxiety according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. Fifteen million. And we’re not just talking about what you’d call shyness. We’re talking about big fears of judgment and scrutinization from others.

When we hear statistics it can be difficult to remember the humanness of those numbers. These are people who want to find love, who want to make …

No Matter What You Tell Yourself, There Is Nothing Wrong with You

By in Blog, letting go, love & relationships

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” ~Bronnie Ware from Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

I wish I could remember the exact moment I mis-learned that being myself wasn’t going to cut it.

It happened early. Maybe kindergarten. I didn’t do it consciously, but at some undetectable moment, I put my real self in a box and created someone else. This new me was so much better—always happy, very accommodating, super quick and witty, and an expert at everything.

This new me was almost impossible to …

7 Steps to Overcome Daily Despair and Start Living Again

By in Blog, change & challenges

“If you cannot make a change, change the way you have been thinking. You might find a new solution.” ~Maya Angelou

Have you ever felt really stuck? Like every day was a struggle to get through and you knew in your heart the next day would feel the same?

For the last seven years—since the crash of 2008—I’ve been redefining myself, and it’s been painful.

In 2009 I opened an Internet retail store, knowing nothing about retail, let alone the intricacies of the Internet.

After years of hard work and little to show for it, every day began to …

How to Help a Friend Through Grief

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” ~Vicki Harrison

I’m no stranger to grief. When I was twenty-three I lost my mum, and then eight years later I lost my second daughter, Grace, when she was only one day old.

Soon after Grace died, my husband and I saw a grief counselor. He said something about other people’s reactions to grief that turned out to be one of the truest statements anyone has ever made to me.…

The Beauty of Being Single: 6 Benefits of Solitude

By in Blog, love & relationships

“I never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude.” ~Henry David Thoreau

Shock. Rage. Sorrow. Excitement. Terror. These are just a handful of the emotions one experiences in the aftermath of a separation or divorce. Emotional rollercoaster? It’s more like being hit with the speed and velocity of a bullet train.

I should know. After twenty-five years of marriage to a kind and accomplished man, I found myself alone.

Our decision to divorce was neither acrimonious nor cruel; neither sudden nor impulsive. Rather, our decision to file for divorce was an incremental process.

We had more disappointment than …

You Are Beautiful; Can You See It?

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.” ~Confucius

This is my sister Cindy and me when we were little. If you look closely you may be able to tell that Cindy has Down Syndrome. This was a long time ago and one of my most favorite pictures. I am now fifty-eight and Cindy would be sixty this month.

I followed Cindy into this world and I was with her three years ago when she left. I am who I am in this world because of Cindy. She taught me all of the most important things about life through being …

How Getting What You Want Can Sabotage You

By in Blog, letting go

“You can’t win enough. You can’t have enough money. You can’t succeed enough. The only thing that can satiate that existential thirst is love. I just remember that day I made that shift from wanting to be a winner to wanting to have the most powerful, deep, and beautiful relationships I could possibly have.” ~Will Smith

About a year ago, I made the decision to start seriously working out with weights for the first time in my life. I’ve always been an athlete and in decent shape, but I wanted to test my body and see how much of …

Pushing Yourself to Try When You’re Afraid of Failing

By in Blog, change & challenges

“You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try.” ~Beverly Sills

Before I became a teenager, I developed a characteristic and a disease that went hand-in-hand: I was a perfectionist, and I had an eating disorder.

While my perfectionism was helpful in succeeding at things such as school and sports, the same perfectionism helped to fuel a dangerous relationship with my own body.

Fortunately, I received treatment in high school, and I learned to handle my issues related to anorexia and bulimia in healthy ways. This process was neither easy nor simple, but …

What Creates Abusive People and How to Release Your Anger

By in Blog, letting go, love & relationships

“The biggest problem for humanity, not only on a global level, but even for individuals, is misunderstanding.” ~Rinpoche

Through the course of the relationship he was dishonest, emotionally manipulative, and unkind. It was subtle at first—do we really sign up for this on the dating application? But the acts wound their way through like a slow vine that eventually kills a tree. When it ended, he handled it atrociously.

It took me many months to process it all, facing things I had suppressed in denial. When the shock wore off, I had a desire to let him know how he …

The Keys to Finding Happiness After a Traumatic Childhood

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go

“It is never to late to have a happy childhood.” ~Tom Robbins

A few days ago, when my older brother and I were sorting through old family photos, we found a picture of us from when we were about five and six years old. We were smiling. Just two kids full of life with no idea of what was to come.

This was before the start of all the rage—before all the pain and an unfortunate series of events.

My childhood was rough. I know some people may wish to return to those young innocent years of playing outside …