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The Pain Won’t Stop Until You Accept What Is

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go

“Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.” ~Sonia Ricotti

Life is sometimes ridiculously hard. It sucks. It rips out your heart and your entrails, spins them around the room, and stuffs them back in unceremoniously through the hole from which they were ripped.

And it expects you to smile and carry on. People expect you to carry on. Because that is what we think people do.

I felt like this a few years ago when my marriage ended. Luckily, I had good people around me. They didn’t expect that from me.

I, …

How to Get Better at Something New Without Beating Yourself Up

By in Blog, change & challenges

“Stop beating yourself up. You are a work in progress, which means you get there a little at a time, not all at once.” ~Unknown

I love learning. I am fueled by acquiring new skills, understanding human behavior, and observing the beautiful gifts that the universe has for all of us, hopefully all in service of feeding my own curiosity as well as being a better contributor to the world.

I enjoy learning through different mediums—formal classes, reading, meeting new people, traveling, and taking on new challenges.

I have a professional background in analytics, insights, and storytelling and am currently …

25 Loving, Supportive Things to Tell Yourself Today

By in Blog, love & relationships

“Identify one supportive phrase you wish you heard more growing up. Every time you pass by a mirror today, look at yourself and say that.” ~from Tiny Buddha’s 365 Tiny Love Challenges

When I was a kid, an authority figure once told me, “If I was your age, I wouldn’t be your friend.”

I tried to act like I didn’t care so I wouldn’t give that person the satisfaction of knowing how deeply they hurt me.

But it hit me hard, and it stayed with me for years. Someone who was supposed to like me didn’t, so why would anyone …

7 Ways to Learn from Your Negative Thoughts

By in Blog, happiness & fun, mindfulness & peace

“The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled.” ~Plutarch

I remember when I first learned about positive thinking. I was to observe my thoughts, then sort them into “useful” and “not useful.”

This made sense to me, and it surprised me how many “not useful” thoughts I encountered. On a daily basis, I was telling myself that I was not good enough, that things could never work out, and that I was on the verge of being fired from my job.

“Not useful, not useful,” my mind kept repeating. And yet the …

When Someone Shows You Who They Are, Believe Them

By in Blog, love & relationships

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” ~Maya Angelou

I remember first hearing these words in my early twenties. I heard them. I just didn’t follow them. Hence, I brought myself a whole lot of painful lessons and needless suffering because I always wanted to give people a second chance, and a third, and a fourth … You get the picture.

I was the girl who always saw the “potential” in people. The person they “could” be, with a little love and nurturing from yours truly. I considered myself to be one of the most …

10 Thinking Patterns That Can Fuel Depression

By in Blog, change & challenges, mindfulness & peace

“Nothing can harm you as much as your own thoughts unguarded.” ~Buddha

You know the feeling …

When out of the blue your mood switches.

One moment you’re feeling upbeat and optimistic; next you’re feeling down in the dumps.

You can’t think clearly and struggle to put things into perspective. The bright outlook on life of a moment ago has vanished, and in its place now resides an intense longing for its return.

You feel disconnected, lost, and confused, and everything around you looks and feels dark and bleak. And even though you have no reason to feel this way, …

How to Meet Your Needs and Make Others Happy at the Same Time

By in Blog, love & relationships

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” ~Buddha

We all want to be liked. It’s programmed into our DNA and throughout our lives the message is drummed into us loud and clear: put other people first, don’t blow your own horn, and above all, never be selfish.

Our society conditions us to tend to everybody else’s needs while ignoring our own, as if this is somehow a virtuous and noble vocation.

But what if I told you that you could take care of your own needs …

Now Is the Time to Appreciate Each Other and Enjoy Life

By in Blog, love & relationships, mindfulness & peace

“If your forever was ending tomorrow, would this be how you’d want to have spent it? Listen, the truth is, nothing is guaranteed. You know that more than anybody. So don’t be afraid. Be alive.” ~Sarah Dessen

It was beginning to get dark. Lightning streaked across the cloudy sky above the ocean. The full force of the wind took the breath out of me as my eyes squinted from the heavy rainfall.

Waves rolled in to crash down in front of me, as if the ocean was screaming at me.

“Turn around, human. Go home!”

“Maybe I should,” I thought. …

Why We Can’t Be Happy All the Time

By in Blog, happiness & fun

“Suffering is part of our training program for becoming wise.” ~Ram Dass

Suffering by definition: the state of undergoing pain, distress, or hardship. As humans we typically strive for what we perceive the opposite of suffering, happiness: the state of being happy. Of course why wouldn’t you? Nobody wants to suffer.

For many years I looked at the two as separate states of being. I felt if I was happy I would not suffer. Conversely, if I was suffering I could not be happy. It was a simple focus and one I felt was personally achievable. Easy, right? Choose happiness.…

Why Self-Help Might Not Help, and What Will (Interview & Book Giveaway)

By in Blog, happiness & fun, mindfulness & peace

Update: The winners for this giveaway have been chosen. They are:

When I first found what looked like a self-help book called The End of Self-Help, I thought it was a tad ironic. And I wondered if perhaps the author was suggesting that self-help is inherently harmful.

As someone who’s bounced back from overwhelming adversity using some very powerful self-help tools, this didn’t quite sit right with me.

Then I decided to stop wondering what this book was all about and instead find out by reading it. I couldn’t be …

Forget “Should” and Live the Life You Want to Live

By in Blog, happiness & fun, meaning & passion

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

There was a time when I “had it all.”

I was in my tenth year of teaching in a small, rural school. I lived with my husband and daughter in a four-bedroom house in a subdivision in the woods. Life was routine, predictable, and secure. We made plans to fix up the house and figured that I would likely work in my job until retirement.

However, two things got in the way of those plans.

First, I felt …

The Key to Creating More Joy in Your Work

By in Blog, happiness & fun, work fulfillment

“Life engenders life. Energy creates energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich.” ~Sarah Bernhardt                      

Ten years ago, when I first moved to China, I came as an English teacher at a university. I hadn’t the faintest clue as to how I would teach and I only had one year of experience as a teaching assistant in graduate school.

At the beginning, I was completely out of my element. In fact, I woke up the following morning after arrival in my new apartment only to realize that I had no food, couldn’t say anything in Chinese, and had …

How Accepting Anxiety Can Lead to Peace

By in Blog, change & challenges, mindfulness & peace

“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

My unwillingness to accept my anxiety disorder (there, I said it, I have a disorder) results in panic.

It results in waking up at night, heart racing, body tingling and trembling.

It results in driving down the road in a thunderstorm thinking I am having a heart attack—but I just keep driving and talking to my beloved on the phone because “if I can just keep driving away from it, it will be okay.”…

Your Biggest Fear Carries Your Greatest Opportunity for Growth

By in Blog, Uncategorized

“Your largest fear carries your greatest growth.” ~Unknown

I was twenty when I met him. A naive apprentice of love, I plunged into romance with no fear and I was left speechless.

It was all so new and thrilling, all I had ever dreamed about and more. It’s hard to describe how strong our bond grew in such a short time. We knew we had met our perfect match; we knew we would spend the rest of our lives together.

But one day it all suddenly became too good to be true: he confessed he had cheated on me.

My …

Why Rejection IS Sometimes Personal (but Not About Your Worth)

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

It’s not about you. It’s about them. It’s their loss. Don’t take it personally. It doesn’t mean anything.

Well-intentioned people have told me these things many times to soften the blow of rejection. And I wanted so badly to believe them, but how could I?

When someone doesn’t want you, it’s hard not to take it personally. They don’t want you. It must mean something about you, right?

When five college theater programs rejected me, when guy after guy ditched me, when countless potential friends avoided me, …

19 Simple Daily Habits for a Happier Life

By in Blog, happiness & fun

“Hug harder. Laugh louder. Smile bigger. Love longer.” ~Unknown

Did you ever have it all mixed up?

Happiness, I mean. I once thought that a university degree and good grades would make me happy. I thought that traveling the world would leave me feeling fulfilled. I thought that moving abroad and getting that top-notch job would make me satisfied and content.

They all did, but only for a while. They always came with an expiration date.

Finally, I had to stop and ask myself, “If I’m not able to be truly happy now, will I ever be?” If I couldn’t …

The Simplest Way to Create More Calm in Your Life

By in Blog, mindfulness & peace

“I vow to let go of all worries and anxiety in order to be light and free.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

This particular week, I flunked. I’d be lucky if you gave me a D grade in assessing my calmness.

Generally, nobody can question my commitment to leading a life of less stress. I try hard. I try very hard.

You might even be impressed with my healthy diet, my abundance of sleep, and my regular exercise. You couldn’t fault the careful thought and planning that go into my days and weeks. Hell, I can even claim meditation, mindfulness, and …

Microadventures: Get Away and Have Fun Without Traveling Far

By in Blog, happiness & fun, meaning & passion

“One way to get the most out of life is to look upon it as an adventure.” ~William Feather

I live for exploring the world, trying new things, and meeting passionate people. As a filmmaker I’m very fortunate to be able to do all these things from time to time, and I just love it!

However, this is only a small part of my work. I also often find myself stuck in front of a computer for weeks at a time editing—no nature, no people, no exploring. Just me and a computer.

It’s easy to get bogged down by all …

Why Hard Work Might Not Pay Off (and What Will)

By in Blog, meaning & passion, work fulfillment

“Man is only truly great when he acts from his passions.” ~Benjamin Disraeli

At a young age I was told, “Without hard work nothing grows but weeds.”

I was also told, “With hard work it was possible to achieve the American Dream.”

I was not sure what the American Dream was, but I did what everyone around me seemed to be doing. Working hard. I did well in school, helped my mother at home and my father at his place of business.

The world looked incredible to me growing up, and I was so passionate about waking up every …

Show Up for Yourself and Believe in Your Dream

By in Blog, meaning & passion

“As you start to walk on the way, the way appears.” ~Rumi

My early life was challenging, to say the least. I grew up in a difficult home situation, which I hoped to escape through an early marriage. That marriage produced four beautiful children by the time I was twenty-one years old.

We were very poor and I hoped to get us out of poverty, but I wasn’t sure it was possible.

I’d been poor all my life. I didn’t really know what it was like to have abundance. I thought success was for “other people.” My only education was …